The blame game is insane! How many times have we heard constant complaints on what women need to do in order for a man to stay faithful? In this article, we delve into what caused this way of thinking and why it should stop.
“Girl if you don’t do it for him, someone else will!” Those were the words I heard a month ago whilst waiting in a line at the bank. Two middle-aged women stood in front of me while having a loud conversation that honestly made my eyes feel like they were popping out of my head. For those who know me, they would know that I have never been able to master the art of hiding my expressions and I am super thankful those women didn’t look behind them to see my perplexed look which turned to utter dismay. From what I gathered from the chit chat, one of the women was sick and was not healthy enough to “cater” to all her husband’s carnal needs and the only advice her friend could tell her was to suck it up and get the job done before he looks elsewhere.
Worldwide, we see that women have developed this way of thinking and I honestly understand the importance of doing your part and pulling your weight, but not if its motivated solely by the fear of your partner being unfaithful. I am here to tell you that if your relationship cannot withstand a couple of days, weeks, or months due to an issue related to sickness, then that is one toxic union. Let us put sickness aside, what if you are not in the mood because you are mentally or emotionally going through a tough time? What if you and your partner are fighting a lot and you are simply not physically available? Seriously guys, how about long distance relationships? Should women live in fear that if they aren’t at a man’s beck and call, they will eventually be cheated on? That is a scary thought because life and relationships go through so many twists and unforeseen turns, a feeling of security and consistent faithfulness should be unquestionably given if you are in a committed relationship.
It is my opinion that nobody, be it a man or a woman, should be allowed to say he/she is unfaithful and think it’s the right thing. Cheating is wrong, going behind your partner’s back is wrong and trying to validate it as something they deserve is a poor excuse. If you are fed-up in a situation, either work on it or leave. If your partner does not care about your wellbeing then you need to reevaluate your relationship. You are not “looking for horn” (as Trinis say) if you don’t give yourself to your man every night or on the flip side, if your man doesn’t give himself to you. Your feelings matter and the quality of the intimacy matters! When two people are considerate towards one another, the connection is passionate and not forced. Imagine we live in a society where a woman, after having a baby are sometimes forced sooner than prescribed to have sexual relations with her partner and her body has not even healed properly. We have the prevalence of husbands raping wives. Yes, sadly, rape in marriage exists. The issue that hurts the most is some people think the women deserve it.
If you are in a relationship that has no mutual respect or faithfulness, then seek help and proper guidance. It is mental torture to never truly trust someone and although in some cases women really do not care about their husband’s intimate needs, understand that I am not talking about those situations which are an entirely different conversation. The reality is, if a man wants to cheat, you can do everything under the sun but he will still cheat. Do not think you can stop a cheater from those tendencies by always being available. A day will come when you cannot be around and then what? Be smart and understand your worth.
Many men are faithful to their women regardless of what society preaches about “no good men existing these days”. Oh they exist! You may be simply too busy with Mister Demanding to notice Mister Right who will cherish you in so many ways. Do not give up on the core foundation of love and relationships, it cannot stand strong without faithfulness, respect, communication and understanding. We all have needs to be met, don’t forget yours are just as important as his.