Is his best-friend of the opposite sex.. a Friend or a Foe ?

So your partner has a best-friend of the opposite sex. Discover the truth about what is acceptable when your special someone has a  super close friend that makes you question their real motive(s). 

What a topic! It’s a touchy subject and I understand why people get defensive when friendships are concerned and everyone under the sun hates to be questioned or feel like they aren’t being trusted by their other half. Being married to someone or being in a serious relationship comes with built-in boundaries whether you like it or not. Some couples have different ways of doing things and maybe what is not acceptable for me, can be a green light in their eyes but hey, I will try my best to speak up for the rest of us who have a problem with what I consider disrespect.  

The legend of the ‘insecure female’ or the ‘jealous partner’ is known throughout the ages and is made out to be the villain in most cases, but if you dig a little deeper you will see that there is usually a back story that influenced that behaviour. Sometimes your vibe is right, so follow it. If you feel threatened by an external person in your relationship that’s a toxic energy to harbour and it results in arguments and feelings of hurt and sadness. 

Whether it is an old or new relationship, sit down and ask your partner to make boundaries. Set limits in place then move forward, decide how close is considered, too close. Intimacy is no joke and we are all human after all, with individual weaknesses, attractions and emotions. Such things can attach themselves to other people sometimes innocently, sometimes not. Be smart and take precautions. 

No friendship is worth damaging the sanctity of marriage and a relationship that may lead to it. With that being said, if your boyfriend/husband has a female bestie or vice versa, your approach to the situation is this first and golden rule – try to befriend him/her. Go in with a positive mindset because not every person has a bad agenda. Be interested in getting to know the person and bonding with him/her. Find out if he/she and your significant other had any past, romantic attraction and be mindful that if the situation was flipped how he/she would react. Would he/she like it? Explain your feelings openly and place pride on the back burner. This is not a control tactic, it is simply allowing healthy boundaries to exist in your relationship.

Does he or she lie to hang out one on one with the opposite sex bestie? Best friend or not, that is just plain unacceptable. Top relationship experts agree that “One on one dates should be reserved for couples, simply because not having others around changes the mood and leaves room for feelings to develop.” To be quite frank, your partner should avoid such situations. Secrets are the backbone of mistrust and broken relationships, if you catch your partner lying multiple times to go out with his/her opposite sex, best friend, it indicates you have many problems to sort out in your relationship that relate to understanding of priorities and lack of respect. 

As a matter of fact a best-friend that is caring and mature in thinking will not allow this sort of nonsense to happen. He/she will understand the situation and try to actively make peace and create an inviting environment, allowing you to rest your mind. Building a shared network inclusive of your partner is always a wonderful start of lifelong friendships that are easy to upkeep and less dramatic. 

Observe your friendships and the friendships of your partner when you are in a committed relationship. Are they healthy or are they the cause of numerous conflicts and relational disconnect? You can see and feel when something is wrong, ensure that you are both secure and safe emotionally when it comes to external relationships. Have the conversation today, set your boundaries, respect each other and enjoy a healthier relationship with friendships that don’t encourage mistrust, secrets and betrayals.

Daniella Cassano Mohammed

Daniella Cassano-Mohammed is a television host, writer and social media influencer. She aims to promote positive thinking and solutions by discussing important relationship issues in everyday life.

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