Why is it that so many partners cannot see eye to eye in the bedroom? One major reason is overlooked because some think it is simply too taboo to discuss. Is online fantasy blurring the lines of realistic sexual expectations? This enticing topic affects many couples in society each and every day.
Let me just say, I am what you call the nonjudgmental friend so most of my inner circle tend to come to me with the juiciest of stories and intimate selection of problems hoping to receive an honest opinion. So let us get started on this issue with an open mind.
The love for fantasy begins at a very young age and often we do not recognise it. We read books and watch movies about relationships that form expectations of love and how we should interact with each other as romantic partners. As we get older, the fantasy continues but the discourse changes. Curiosity sets in and pornography (porn) gives a display on what is expected in the bedroom. In these modern times, porn is literally one click away and almost anyone can view it.
Just as addictions are formed with food, smoking and alcohol, online fantasy delivers the same pleasure connections with the brain. The difference is, it isn’t discussed openly in society due to various reasons such as religious beliefs and the stigma attached. So is it wrong to view porn? That is up to the individual but the problems and disconnect it can cause in relationships are real and numerous.
Do not get me wrong, there is a flip side – online fantasy does help with learning about sexual expression and in some cases can be used to spice up bedroom escapades but that is what makes this such a polarising topic. Moderation, as with all things, is key and the problem starts when things are done in excess. Every experience differs in life but given the number of marriages destroyed, insecurities formed and even jobs lost (yes, some cannot even go through a day’s work without viewing explicit content), I think we need to pay greater attention to this.
Online fantasy twists the thinking of both males and females often leaving each other unsatisfied when having physical, real-life contact. It gives way to the stereotypical views, for instance, that all women “make noise” when stimulated, all women can have an orgasm in a heartbeat, all women are ready to go at the snap of a finger and let us not get started on body expectations. It pushes females into categories like objects on a shop’s shelf. It encourages less conversation and human interaction as men seek a quick fix instead of going out and meeting people. Statistically, porn-raged men have a tough time staying in long-term relationships because the women they meet do not measure up in some way with their online desires. Women are pushed into doing acts they may be uncomfortable with and thought of as prudish if they decline.
Let us switch to the issues it causes even with the female mindset towards men. Women go through common issues thinking most men expect a porn star in the bedroom and are so busy trying to be something they are not, that they are often left unsatisfied and uncomfortable. “Babe, switch the light off, I hate how I look in this position!” is a frequent cry when a female is feeling unsure and unhappy with herself and even her sexuality. A woman should feel wanted no matter her body type and she should be allowed to have likes and dislikes. Women are at times brainwashed into thinking men are supposed to be a certain built and size to unlock sexual pleasure or they are deemed inadequate. It is sad how people objectify themselves and forget the real beauty and significance of sexual intercourse. The connection comes first.
We should be focused on forming intimate relationships that are unique according to the person’s individual likes and dislikes. It is more about what makes your partner feel his or her best and less about what you saw online and want to mimic because that is what you are “expected” to do. Learn how to love your partner and understand a deeper level of sex.
You can program your brain to associate many things with pleasure that surpass the need for fantasy. What you expose yourself to is what will free your Eros to a new level inclusive of sacredness, passion, intimacy and love. A kiss, a look or a touch can be sexual and erotic if partners take the time to learn what makes each other truly happy. Do not allow the temptation of selfish online fantasy to unhinge the unmatched pleasure and physical ecstasy of creating your own bedroom adventures.