When we talk about bullies, the first thing that comes to mind is individuals in a school or a workplace that enjoy belittling others for some sort of thrill. However, the most hurtful form of bullying happens when the people we love bully us. The common signs that your partner is a bully are quite clear yet many remain blinded because it is hard to believe the person you care about is taking advantage of you in this destructive manner.
It is quite normal for certain personality types to be more dominant than others, but a healthy balance needs to be maintained when it comes to a couples’ mental, physical and emotional needs. If your partner has a desire to have power over you all the time, he or she may be a bully. There are many different kinds of bullies, but I want to talk about the top three on the list according to renowned writer Doctor Testa, the author of “The Bully in your Relationship” . She speaks about “The Rage Bully”, “The Name Calling Bully” and “The Passive Aggressive Bully”. All of them feel the urge to control and dominate their partner in various ways using tactics and behavioural patterns we can educate ourselves about.
The Rage Bully controls through fear and physical intimidation. These individuals often have temper tantrums and express anger by hitting their partner or destroying their personal belongings. Simply asking them a question triggers beastly behaviour and forces the people around them to become afraid of confrontation of any kind.
The Name Calling Bully consistently makes fun of their partner by building insecurity and stimulating low self-esteem and self-confidence. If you are with someone that constantly calls out your faults and shortcomings, instead of uplifting you to be better, chances are they have bullying tendencies and need to be set straight. A person is not supposed to use your weaknesses to belittle you and question your worth. If you are always a joke to them, especially in public settings with friends and family, then you should beware.
The Passive Aggressive Bully is a person that holds your past wrongdoings, mistakes, secrets and hurts against you every time an argument arises. He or she cannot focus on the present issues without bringing up incidents from the past and setting a judgmental and degrading tone to each and every confrontation.
Bullying manifests in sneaky ways in relationships and the list can go on and on about the various types of situations that can cause it to occur. This play for power is an addiction to some people and it hurts others in the process because a relationship consists of two people, both with needs, wants and desires. One person deciding to be selfish while using such tactics will damage or destroy feelings of love and closeness.
You should never be in fear to communicate with your partner and the realisation that your needs are just as important as theirs is vital for your happiness. Be strong and research bullying in detail. The reality of the situation is, they are weak people that need to put down others to feel like they are on top of things. If you learn to stop being a victim and create boundaries, the bully in your life will be forced to stop their attacks and maybe even seek help. Break the cycle today. My dear friend, you are important and you deserve to receive love in the same manner you give it.