I remember the day so clearly. It was a Sunday evening in the middle of the excitement of August, and for some strange reason I instigated this ‘exciting’ plan to hit the beach at night with two of my friends. To our amusement, there was a party in full swing at Maracas Bay, so we stopped for drinks.
“Excuse, you normally lime at Paprika?” – these were his first words to me.
“Nah, not really…” I responded.
This was the beginning of the first of many conversations that was to follow with the tall, handsome guy that I happened to ‘bounce up’ on the beach that night.
We exchanged numbers and began to talk via WhatsApp. Based on our conversations, he seemed to be a cool guy, so when he suggested that we go out for drinks the following Wednesday, I was more than happy to oblige him. I had recently ended a really toxic relationship with the father of my children and I was more than ready to begin a new adventure with someone new.
The date went really well: we laughed, drank and then went dancing after. At the end of the date, something told me to ask if he had a significant other. His response was “If I had someone else, do you think I would be this way with you?” I did not revisit the topic after this.
“If I had someone else, do you think I would be this way with you?”
I loved how much fun we had and this continued for the next four months. We spent countless hours together and we really enjoyed each other’s company.
I introduced him to my family, my friends and even my children, and when my mom asked me whether I could see myself in a long term relationship with him, my response was, “Yes, for sure!”
I also met several of his family members including his uncles, his brother and his cousins and we spent time hanging out together on many occasions.
So you can imagine my utter shock when the girl who he referred to as the typical ‘crazy ex’ contacted me via Facebook Messenger and informed me that she was not the ‘crazy ex’, but instead, the girlfriend of five years; hence making me ‘the side chick’…a label that I never thought I would be able to refer to myself as.
I went through a period of severe disappointment, disgust and shock. I could not believe that someone that I grew to be so fond of could have lied so many times to me. I felt as though I was falling for someone that I didn’t even know.
Added to the betrayal and hurt that I felt becoming aware of the lies that I was told, I was also met by the brunt of the blame for ruining his five year relationship.
In his opinion, I was not supposed to tell his girlfriend the truth when she confronted me about the situation.
Looking back at it, I realized that I was so blinded by the nice gestures and the fun times that I was having with him, I chose to believe what I wanted to believe.
When I saw her caller ID appear on his phone numerous times, I believed his stories about her not wanting to let him go and constantly harassing him because I mean, who calls 15 times in one hour… only ‘a crazy ex’ right!?
When he arrived late to pick me up for dates, I believed his stories about his mother asking him to do chores at home and hence causing his tardiness.
When he would be unavailable for hours I believed his excuses that he was at the casino or at the mechanic seeing about his vehicle.
Was I naïve? Yes, of course!
However, at the same time, I cannot help but to think that this scenario is not unique. We live in a society where the idea of men having a ‘side chick’ is so normalized. There are countless memes, videos and jokes which circulate on social media that has, in a way, desensitized us to an issue that on a personal level is extremely damaging and hurtful to the persons involved.
To be honest, I’d rather be alone than face the shame and embarrassment of another situation like this.
As of now it seems like I just have really bad luck when it comes to the male species but best believe… I’d be much more wary to never find myself as the side chick again.
(As told by La Momie)